The other day, I was talking to my aunty, who lives in India over the phone. She asked me casually, “How do you miss us?”. I paused a moment and then replied, “I do not know. I have never thought about it as I am always busy at work as well as at home”. Our chat slowly drifted over to other things and the conversation was ended as usual.
But I felt something unusual about our chat. How come I was not able to recognise my feelings towards my people. I started reflecting about myself; about my connections to my family, relatives, friends and my country. Do I really miss them? Then my thoughts travelled down the memory lane to our initial days in Australia. There was a lot of anxiety and uncertainty we had, when we started our life in Australia. And I remember that when I was under stress, I used to engage in long conversations with family and friends over the phone more frequently. Their sense of presence was comforting during those hard times.
And now, the life circumstances have changed; the critical phase is surpassed; still I contact my people without any pertinent purpose. But why I want them every day in my life? What is my drive? I questioned myself and I found out that I was just trying to cope with a loss I had, when I migrated to Australia. It is true that migration encompasses loss; the loss of relationships, important life events, cultural values, sense of identity and sense of belongingness. While involving with them, I was trying to compensate for the loss by connecting to my homeland through them, experiencing it through them and living it. I was not even aware about the underlying motive behind my behaviour until I was making a conscious effort to look at it. It is a fact that I feel so fresh and energetic when I engage in conversations with them, even when I am tired from work. That experience is so delightful that I would love to have the same experience every day in my life.
Many migrants would have undergone similar experiences like mine; having the unconscious need to be connected to their homeland and not being able to recognise it. But unfortunately, most of the time, the priceless value of the connections is lost in the daily hassles. We recognise our need to connect only when we face difficulties of life. But then, I would say that we are human beings and there is a child in each of us who is constantly searching for affection, warmth, security, comfort, and compassion from his/her significant people. When that child is satisfied, we stay healthy; but when the poor child’s needs are neglected or forgotten, the vulnerable part of ourselves become more exposed to us in the form of insecurity, sadness, anger, frustration and anxiety and we end up in psychological problems. Hence, it is important to pay attention to the child in each of us with compassion and consideration. Listen to what he or she says about its need for connections and help the child in yourself by meeting the needs appropriately. I bet it will make a big difference to your life. Now I acknowledge how happy, excited and relaxed I am when I engage in conversation with them and that is one of the reasons why I manage to cope with everyday stress without being overwhelmed about it.
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