Originally published in HealthSmart Magazine, August 2010
Grrrrrrrrr! Is your child a Jekyll and Hyde – rude and argumentative with you, but charm personified with others? Clinical psychologist Renée Mill has tips to tame your teen.
Don’t be afraid
Remember at all times that you are the parent: be decisive; be clear; be authoritative – even if you don’t feel it, eg. “I expect you to speak to me in a friendly manner and not to growl at me.” Have boundaries, and reinforce them if your teen disrespects them EG: “I cannot listen to you when you use that tone. Please start again and speak in a friendly manner.” Don’t give threats – you’ll lose credibility. Just state your expectations. Over time, your teenager will respect the setting of limits.
Repetition, repetition, repetition
If you give up on your message, so will they. With repetition, you have every chance of success eventually. Each time your adolescent is disrespectful, restate your expectations. You can vary this. EG : “I cannot hear you,” “Respect, please,” or “Call me when you can talk appropriately.”
Be realistic and choose appropriate battles
Most teenagers are messy. Either clean up after them or ignore the mess, but don’t waste time trying to make them clean. Save your energy for the big things, such as respect for you and themselves, or their work ethic.
Partner power
If your partner is the other parent or carer, it’s vital you agree on values and expectations for your child. If you’re estranged from the other parent, still try to agree on these points – adolescents exploit vulnerabilities.
Walk the talk
Practice what you preach: if you smoke, don’t expect your children not to do the same.
See through the facade
Most importantly, never stop loving your child. Over time, love and a deep connection will motivate even the most difficult adolescent to try to please you. So try to do things together, get in touch with your inner adolescent, and chill. You never know … you might even enjoy it!
Here at Masterpiece Psychology (former Anxiety Solutions CBT Psychology Practice), we offer individual, couple and family therapy services. If you find yourself struggling with parenting, our warm, empathetic and experienced practitioners can help. Contact us or call us now on 9328 5899 to book an appointment.
Share This Post With Others!
